And once again.......
is there any truth in the saying that "never shall a lightning hit the same stone twice"? Goodness me, I've been struck time and again with so many bitchy things in life.
I surely know that we live in a spherical plane and I am no dumb ass either when it comes to tackling or handling the daily woes of life, unfortunately, I ain't no Olympean as well, or blessed with the luck of a clover bearing leprechaun, I am but a man who struggles the same struggle that you or any warm blooded human faces.
A shitty me, shitty me, I am getting lost once more in the depths of my mind, it always is the same scenario when a certain time approaches in my life, I guess there is really no getting used to for me when it comes to the matter of living my beloved family, friends or even foes alike.
I can't hardly wait to get to my jobsite and practice my rusty nursing skills, (that is if I have any), but my feet is frozen, and I mean frozen solid every time I see the hands of time winding down and slicing of tiny moments that I want to share or just spend with my wife and kids.
Emotions, emotions, emotions, I ain't gonna give in to it this time of day, not when one of my trusted friend is staring at the screen and reading what I am writing as of this very moment, hell no, I ain't gonna cry like a child right now, a little later perhaps.
So stick it up to the point, I don't want to leave yet I need to go!!! The common dilema of a poor Filipino soul, or I can even attribute it to a beat-up arrogant prick like me. It just ain't right yet to the norms of reality it is the rightful thing to do, hell I hate living in the real world.
Life must go on, so I hear. A few sacrifices to make, yeah I know, just take a deep breath and all will be fine, says who???? How can anything be fine if I always end up shitting my self to worldy lust??? How I tell you, no I scream at you.....HOW just HOW the fuck will I ever learn that things are not constant and that I need to change with the world and adopt what is needed because I am not alone anymore and I have 4 souls who depends on me for everything that a Man or should I dare say, a FATHER should provide..............fuck me and fuck reality, it bites as a hellhound and I've felt it stinging through my bones since time thought me how to feel.
the fates must really be against me. I remember clearly the time when one of mu aunt told me "it seems that you are letting what happened to you happen to your kids" shit ass I almost immediately burst into tears, if I could have melt during that moment, I would be a vapor by now, it is quite hard to swallow, and I really feel like I already betrayed my kids, and it is fucking dragging my emotions down, my spirit is at the lowest of it's lows, but still I manage to take a detour in my time space warp, this shitty warp of mine that I have always escaped into eventhough it is as dark as knight in black satin.
nuff, nuff, nuff already, I won't even try to understand myself in this entry and I can't figure why the hell should I oublish this one, but, I have already written this whatsoever crap, so I figure, to hell with everyone, come share my insanity for a change.
no need to quote anyone here now but my self....."no regrets" fuck I regret coining those words................
Jai Guru Deva Om
I surely know that we live in a spherical plane and I am no dumb ass either when it comes to tackling or handling the daily woes of life, unfortunately, I ain't no Olympean as well, or blessed with the luck of a clover bearing leprechaun, I am but a man who struggles the same struggle that you or any warm blooded human faces.
A shitty me, shitty me, I am getting lost once more in the depths of my mind, it always is the same scenario when a certain time approaches in my life, I guess there is really no getting used to for me when it comes to the matter of living my beloved family, friends or even foes alike.
I can't hardly wait to get to my jobsite and practice my rusty nursing skills, (that is if I have any), but my feet is frozen, and I mean frozen solid every time I see the hands of time winding down and slicing of tiny moments that I want to share or just spend with my wife and kids.
Emotions, emotions, emotions, I ain't gonna give in to it this time of day, not when one of my trusted friend is staring at the screen and reading what I am writing as of this very moment, hell no, I ain't gonna cry like a child right now, a little later perhaps.
So stick it up to the point, I don't want to leave yet I need to go!!! The common dilema of a poor Filipino soul, or I can even attribute it to a beat-up arrogant prick like me. It just ain't right yet to the norms of reality it is the rightful thing to do, hell I hate living in the real world.
Life must go on, so I hear. A few sacrifices to make, yeah I know, just take a deep breath and all will be fine, says who???? How can anything be fine if I always end up shitting my self to worldy lust??? How I tell you, no I scream at you.....HOW just HOW the fuck will I ever learn that things are not constant and that I need to change with the world and adopt what is needed because I am not alone anymore and I have 4 souls who depends on me for everything that a Man or should I dare say, a FATHER should provide..............fuck me and fuck reality, it bites as a hellhound and I've felt it stinging through my bones since time thought me how to feel.
the fates must really be against me. I remember clearly the time when one of mu aunt told me "it seems that you are letting what happened to you happen to your kids" shit ass I almost immediately burst into tears, if I could have melt during that moment, I would be a vapor by now, it is quite hard to swallow, and I really feel like I already betrayed my kids, and it is fucking dragging my emotions down, my spirit is at the lowest of it's lows, but still I manage to take a detour in my time space warp, this shitty warp of mine that I have always escaped into eventhough it is as dark as knight in black satin.
nuff, nuff, nuff already, I won't even try to understand myself in this entry and I can't figure why the hell should I oublish this one, but, I have already written this whatsoever crap, so I figure, to hell with everyone, come share my insanity for a change.
no need to quote anyone here now but my self....."no regrets" fuck I regret coining those words................
Jai Guru Deva Om
Comments